 |
|
|
|
Angel_Blue13
Mü§ic Me
Registered: Nov 2005
Posts: 3571 - Threads: 61
Location: On It Innit
|
Some other actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I
know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction".
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from
E&B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know
any further information as soon as I'm given any."
"Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that
last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The
bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security
alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time
together. All together now....'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'".
"We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street
is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could
tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".
"Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity, failing that, give it to me."
During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided".
"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ...) "Oh go on then,
stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."
"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please
hold the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions."
"Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the
doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags
into the doors."
"We can't move off because some idiot has their f'n hand stuck in the
door"
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
"Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL
belongings away from the doors* (Pause...) This is a personal message to
the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put
the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the
door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways"
"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on
any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's
only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."
Roger Woodland
Operations Maintenance Controller
~welcome to the party of consciousness~
Report this post to a moderator |
IP: Logged
|
 28-01-2006 13:53 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
~deleted12332
Registered: Sep 2004
Posts: 18446 - Threads: 745
Location:
|
Quote:
| Angel_Blue13 wrote on 28-01-2006 01:53 PM
Some other actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I
know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction".
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from
E&B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know
any further information as soon as I'm given any."
"Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that
last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The
bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security
alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time
together. All together now....'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'".
"We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street
is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could
tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".
"Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity, failing that, give it to me."
During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided".
"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ...) "Oh go on then,
stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."
"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please
hold the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions."
"Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the
doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags
into the doors."
"We can't move off because some idiot has their f'n hand stuck in the
door"
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
"Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL
belongings away from the doors* (Pause...) This is a personal message to
the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put
the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the
door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways"
"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on
any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's
only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."
Roger Woodland
Operations Maintenance Controller
|
|
 quality
Miss XS New Hard Mix downlaodwww.missxs.co.uk/audio/bitchmix.rar
BuzzjakkerzFM - The future of Music. New internet radio showcasing the best of the unsigned,unknown & up & coming artitsts with residents Lisa London, Miss Xs, Lana M, Clare Mclaren, Bruce Mcalren, Kris Noble & Hefty. With shows from Zoology & Momentum Dj's.www.buzzjakkerz.com
Report this post to a moderator |
IP: Logged
|
| 28-01-2006 14:00 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Rules:
You may post new threads
You may
post replies
You may post attachments
You
may edit your posts
|
You may delete your posts
HTML code is OFF
BB Code is ON
Smilies are ON
|
|
|
|
|
![[HarderFaster] - Work Hard, Play Harder!](/images/mainbanner_top1.gif)
